A scream at seventy miles an hour

Something feels broken in my head

My white-knuckled fists gripping the steering wheel

My rubber-soled shoe weighing down the pedal

Im angry; taking a beating from my own bad habits

So I floor it to get away from myself

 

Hidden under cloth in juxtaposition with my affection

Covers permit warmth but not much separation

Yet her I find her cornered and uncomfortable

Cant understand her looks or the mileage

I want to pick her up and bring her to my side

But the moving two is a tool to taunt myself

 

Awakened in the dark with the TV on

Going home is something I despise

Stomach churning like an engine as Im slowly driven

Further away from my infatuation

Its better; time spent alone is time well spent

Its what I do to get away from myself

 

Merging into the lane of depression

Headed south in more ways than one

Beads of sweat form and run down my temples

Tears well up and saturate my eyes

I cant believe my insecurities have taken over once again

Its been two months and Im still by myself

 

She confuses me so I drive into uncharted territory

To see if I can find the way back

Maybe the answer will be waiting for me when I get there

And give me the insight and confidence I need

Because my knowledge of the past doesnt comfort me in the moment

Its gotten to the point where I cant stand myself

 

I want to tell her how she makes me feel

I and to hold her and smell her hair

I want to pick her up, but I dont feel anything from her

Even though her mom doesnt trust us in her room

And her sister cant talk about guy friends but Im fine

I guess Ill just have to ask her myself

 

 

Jarrett Pahinui

written for Hailey